Perfect Relationships

A vivid picture imprinted in most of our minds!

As a 5- year -old this was my picture-perfect memory of a happy relationship. Thanks to the childhood storybooks, the animations on the television, the rhymes and jingles we learn in pre-school and also the mesmerizing stories grandma told us about the lovely princess and the handsome prince in love! All talked about and epitomized how perfect the world is, our society is, what is happiness, what is a family, and how happy couples in love can live ever after.

These are wonderful childhood memories most of us grow up with and somewhere at the back of our subconscious mind, we have this vibrantly colorful picture hanging on a wall and a happy jingle playing, two pretty birds chirping away on their way back home, the nightingale and the lovely couples singing their heart out! We begin to dream, a dream of having one such picture on our walls, one such tune in our homes, a  perfect relationship in our lives as we grow up and it is not wrong at all. It is perfectly okay to dream! It is man’s quest and internal urge to be in search of a perfect relationship which is a social, physical, psychological & emotional need.

How would one define a perfect relationship?

Everyone has their idealistic image of what a perfect relationship should look like. Some of us got that image from books or movies, and others were lucky enough to witness that in real life via our parents. It doesn’t matter where you got an idea of a “magnificent, never-ending, and extremely romantic love story” (which always leads to marriage and everlasting happiness).

To some of us, it would be a partner who comes home religiously every night, never drunk, fulfills all the needs of the family, economic, social & psychological! A partner who never cheats and is great with the kids! Always and always is there for the family and the spouse and yes that holiday on the beach every summer! Wow, such a dreamy picture! Isn’t it!

While some of us are lucky to experience the bliss of the above perfection, in some cases this idealism could be far from reality. A relationship evolves and matures to perfection with hard work, involvement, and contribution from each partner day in and day out! It is an everyday effort to strike a balance between acceptance and letting go, between compromise and intransigence!

Ingredients of a perfect relationship!

Here is a long extensive list of what I call the composition of a perfect relationship 

  • Acceptance It begins with this, the first step is to accept the other human being as they are bundled.
  • Mutual trust Is the key, just close your eyes and trust the partner with your life.
  • Unconditional love and understanding, Sometimes all a person needs is someone to fall back to, listen to on your gloomy day, and just be there for you
  • Patience -comes with acceptance. During trying times, tolerance of different habits, ways of living.
  • Togetherness and teamwork, In a relationship it is not about you and me, it is US, WE and OURS always
  • Forgiveness goes a long way in a relationship, after the initial honeymoon period it is your true nature that will be visible and needs to be dealt with. Partners are bound to err, hurt each other, forgiving and forgetting for the larger cause of the relationship goes a long way.
  • Sharing, Caring and supporting, there is no division of labor, no your work & my work. It is always our work, our home, our responsibility  
  • Priorities -It is an investment worth every penny. Making your partner a priority pays in leaps and bounds over any other investment.
  • Honesty and integrity, being honest in a relationship, is an essential ingredient. You can not expect a relationship to bloom without Honesty!
  • Equality, treating your partner equal is very important, a psychological and emotional need. It goes a long way in strengthening your bond with your partner.
  • Time and space, Giving your partner time and personal space are essential to a fruitful bonding resulting in a sense of camaraderie! Example sending you man on an all-boys outing or your lady on an only women night with school buddies or even a solo vacation or a motorcycling adventure or road trip.     

However, it is also really essential to get into a relationship by keeping reality in mind, While the advice is good, it is also important to seed out some myths that are not true. This will help us differentiate myths from reality 

  1. Kids will save a marriage!

First of all, we need to understand that having kids is possible only after a legal marriage. Even if you don’t believe in official marriage with papers and obligations, you still shouldn’t hurry. The appearance of a baby won’t turn your marriage into a miracle unity of two souls. Be prepared to suffer from day-to-day stress trepidations, lack of sexual life, sleep deprivation, paying attention to your kid 24/7, financial problems. It is only a part of what young parents witness from time to time. Having a kid should be about two grown-up people who seem confident and independent on their own.

When one or two of you are still babies, this will resemble a kindergarten where everyone is fighting for attention. It doesn’t matter you have a maturity test or a certain age to become a parent. You just need to realize that your first kid won’t necessarily fix up a family situation. Before that, you need to feel comfortable as a couple. Hence there is no way that things will fall in place in a relationship once you have kids. Perhaps the reality is that your level of compromise may go slightly higher after kids and your intention to make things work will take priority. However, kids can not be and should be used as a reason to stick into a relationship that is on a downfall.

  1.  Perfect relationships are about reading each other’s minds!

Let’s start with the fact that ideal relationships are fiction. Additionally, a good relationship is not about telepathy. Sure, life would be much easier if we just could understand what’s on their mind right now. But for better or for worse, no one has that superpower. Partners may often fight because of feelings of frustration. It may seem that nobody understands them or you. Whatever your expectations and hopes might be, there still will be a place to assure yourself: a person who loves will go out of their way to understand everything without words. But in reality, it works differently: if you can’t express your feelings and emotions directly and honestly, your desires won’t be granted. 

  1. Living together will show your compatibility!

It is a rare case when two people in love don’t experience any difficulties at all once they decide to move in together. On the contrary, partners who want a great and comfortable life will repeatedly bicker and try to defend their point of view. Moving in after you thought you knew each other perfectly and face the wall of misunderstanding is stressful. But within the first months, you will get accustomed to sharing a dwelling and lifestyle. 

  1. You need to be soulmates to live happily!

If you have different views or lifestyles, it doesn’t mean your relationships can’t be healthy or fulfilling. However, being unable to express your dislikes might lead to serious problems further in a relationship. When two people in love can’t find a common ground, it can be hard to express dissatisfaction without anger. But still, you need to learn how to express discontent rather than looking for a karmic soulmate. It would be best if two partners learned to accept each other’s differences rather than taking offense. Being different and similar and accepting each other’s similarities and differences is the key. You could just be two different people and still love and respect each other enough to strike a balance.

  1. Happy couples do everything together!

Again, not true. People are not supposed to be 100% of the time together in a relationship. It is insincere to try to understand and copy all of the partner’s hobbies too. You are two separate people who can accept and respect each other’s perks without a fake smile and a forced desire to maintain each other’s passions. Working together at times and independently when required gives a sense of freedom, confidence, and faith in oneself, your partner, and the relationship on the whole. As two committed individuals, you cannot be working in silos without being aware of the impact on the relationship.

To summarize, the harsh reality is, unrealistic expectations might hurt you and your future partner or current relationship, together with Ukrainian mail order brides, we were able to populate the above  top-5 myths about a perfect relationship. These myths are around in all strata of society for generations and food for thought and discussion over a long personal conversation with that special someone who lights your day!

By Caitlyn

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